Welcome to Pencil RaceapediaEdit
This is a wiki dedicated to pencil racing and anything that has to do with pencil racing, pencil racers, pencil races, Etc. hope you enjoy.
What is pencil racing?Edit
Pencil racing (not to be confused with pencil racer) is a pencil and paper game where people play as shapes who take turns pushing a pencil or pen on the end flicking it forward creating a medium sized line from which they start from next turn. the racers move across a previously drawn course featuring twists, curves, helpers like the vegetable garden which lets you draw twice as much as usual, and obstacles like the flying attack porcupines who make you go back to the hospital, lose 2 turns, make you have to do double on scissor locks, and makes you go half of what you pushed for 5 turns. the first racer to get to the finish line wins.
The 2012 OlympicsEdit
There has been a push for by the IPRC, the International Pencil Race Council, to allow pencil racing in the 2012 Olympic games. Many sports purists do not believe that pencil racing qualifies as an athletic pursuit, considering it to be an over popular game that happens to have world wide support. The IPRC counters these critics with statistics that show pencil racing to be the number one sport in fan base as well as advertisement support, pointing out the tremendous economic gain to be had by including pencil racing in the Olympics. The IPRC, as well as the many powerful corporate race sponsors, have seemingly focused their energy on the 2012 Olyimpics hoping to use the weak economy to leverage the large amount of money that will undoubtable be spent by sponsors as well as by the countless fans that will innundate England if pencil racing is allowed.
Some speculate that the primary reason pencil racing has not been allowed into the Olyimpics is that the head of the IOC is a failed pencil racer who was disappointed by failing to make the jump to professional racing after a mediocre college racing record.
The IPRC, or International Pencil Race Council, is the globally accepted governing body for international pencil racing. Prior to the creation of the IPRC, there were numerous racing clubs, coalitions, and committees. It was long thought that there would never be a unification of the powerful IIIPPRC Club (Illustrious International Independent Pencil and Pen Racing Club) and the NPRA (National Pencil Racing Association), but a series of lead tip, stickum, and wax paper incidents discredited the two agencies. The fan base began to attend smaller club races, and soon the small clubs joined to create the modern IPRC. The IIIPPRC Club reluctantly joined when they could no longer sell enough tickets to stay solvent, and the NPRA was disbanded.
Since it's 1947 creation, the IPRC has taken over control of rule making, race penalty and judgments, and virtually all aspects of pencil racing. Shortly thereafter in 1956, the "Pencil Racing, the IPRC Rule and Regulation Manual" was released by the IPRC. This manual has been controversial, as it changed many of the regulations used by the smaller clubs, such as the "No Adhesive" set of rules. However, the manual has been adopted as the pencil racing bible and recently has become a best seller as pencil racing has become a blockbuster sport.
Here is the IPRC official statement:
- We are the International Pencil Race Council (IPRC). We promote pencil racing, certify race tracks, referee races, and manage rules and regulations. We work hard to raise awareness of unsanctioned eraser activity and uncertified racetracks. Pens must follow IPRC regulations. Stickum, glue and ticky tack have been banned since the tragic Smear Incident of 1878. tape has been banned since The BAD race.
After a flying attack porcupine missed a racer and landed on the spectator, leaving 135 quills stuck in him, the IPRC was sued by the annonymous spectator. The lawsuit was lost by the IPRC and the spectator was awarded $124,342,567.91. Since the lawsuit, the IPRC has created this legal statement:
circle : The winner of the first IPRC sanctioned pencil race also known to have complaind to the IPRC for a candy stores poor service. her flag has changed many times though they usually have a circle on them.
square: From talg who, along with having many wins, is a noted trophy and track designer pioneering many obstacles. his flag is square with a diagonal stripe and usually on his special pulley system.
X: His identity is unknown, he switched from auto racing to pencils in 1992. Most notable for placing second in almost every IPRC race since 2007. his flag has many X's in different sizes.
Triangle won the 1987 world championship and came back after a five year suspension for adhesive abuse to win the 2005 Flint, Michigan winter games. The title was stripped, however, when scales showed she was using lead instead of graphite. her flag is triangular with a snake on it.
The Impossible Race of 2007.
Designed by square, this race course was never completed due to racer injuries and course complexity. No racer was awarded an official win by the IPRC, but square was leading when the race was called off. X, Circle, and Heart fell early on to track induced injuries, while triangle was gaining on square when the race was ended by the IPRC. The Triangle fan club has lobbied that Triangle should be awarded a win at the first Impossible Race, but the IPRC, fearing violence between the Triangle and Square supporters, has repeatedly refused to award the race win to anyone. It would be a prestigious win, as this was the inception of the Impossible Race, and the winner would be immortalized in the record books.
LePens 555 - The first ever IPRC certified pencil race
This race was the first race run after the creation of the IPRC. Prior to this race, there were numerous racing clubs, coalitions, and committees. It was long thought that there would never be a unification of the powerful IIIPPRC Club (Illustrious International Independent Pencil and Pen Racing Club) and the NPRA (National Pencil Racing Association), but a series of lead tip, stickum, and wax paper incidents discredited the two agencies. The fan base began to attend smaller club races, and soon the small clubs joined to create the modern IPRC. The IIIPPRC Club reluctantly joined when they could no longer sell enough tickets to stay solvent, and the NPRA was disbanded. This race was won by Circle, capping her 1947 World Championship Series Title. all the more impressive because circle had not been born yet.
health race- a race that was never released because of a lawsuit by former NPRA members claiming simalarities to there healthy race and the large amount of people who signed up for it (estimated to be 1,098,245,367 people). supposedly targeted to young kids. The BAD race- the BAD race is a race designed by square that was played by square, x, and star. BAD stands for big adhesive deficiency because of a strict no glue rule even though square almost used tape. Turtle Race -the turtle race is a race with only one obstacle that was made by x as protest for the BAD race. it played by square, x, and star.
The Great Race - the first race played entirely using video phones. it took a long time to organize. first x,square,and circle all got video phones. after that in fruitopia x designed the race then scanned it with a scanner. it was designed by x because squares scanner he kept on his vacation home across wuhu island and there was a scanner ban in lalaland at the time so circle couldn't design it. x then e-mailed it to square and circle who printed it out (circle accidentally printed it out to work and was questioned by her boss the next day). then they took turns moving then putting there progress up to the camera for the others to copy down. it was won by square though there was a mix up with the trophies so circle got the 1st place trophy and both x and square got 2nd place trophies.
sports race - noted for its name being changed after an auction for a quick buck to "the chevron the gas with techron sports race" a few minutes after the start. later on chevron decided to sell the name to blockbuster who changed it to "the blockbuster now you don't have to choose sports race". soon after blockbuster sold the name to kraft who renamed it "the kraft seven seas creamy italian sports race" but by that time all the racers had quit.
Elmer's 500 - The first race ever to be released via wikia.com! With VeriColor!
Circuit 5000 - this four stage race is currently the largest race ever made and uses 4 pieces of paper. it was made by square. a short time after it was finished it disappeared and was found 4 months later. it was then enlarged. then cut into four corners. then it was patched up causing it's cobblestone roads.
The Ashes Race - The Ashes is a trophy race played every -2 years by teams from Fruitopia and Fantopiato decide who keeps The Ashes Urn; the burntremains of an ancient Crayola Olive Green Crayon.
2013 HP Race - The first race of the 2013 pencil race season has been officially released. It is a theme race, with its’ design making ingenious reference to the popular magical HP series. Racers seem to be very excited about the new race, with X being reported as saying “I am a biased observer, because I know the designer very well, but this is one of the best races I have ever seen, and I can’t wait to race it.”
Famous obstacles and helpersEdit
there are many types of obstacles and helpers. the total amount is so big that it can not be listed. every time someone makes a new race track then its likely that there are also some new obstacles or helpers.
vegatable garden - makes you go twice as far as usual for 3 turns. part of circles complaint on the candy store.bird - picks you up and drops you forward. was part of the BAD race.
Windmill - recharges racers, giving double pace for three turns. The Windmills have only been allowed for the past 2 racing seasons, having been blocked by oil and coal sponsors for the past three decades. Clean energy advocates have been working to include the windmills since the early 1980's. Some speculated windmills were only included in the 2008 season because of the large number of oil tanker spills in 2007, so the established energy industry was trying to deflect media attention.
music box - gives you a free pass out of missing a turn except for a whomping willow. go double for 4 turns. Darthtyop 18:25, May 8, 2010 (UTC)
the holy hand grenade of antioch - the only way you can defeat the killer rabbit. the instructions are this " first shalt thou take out thy holy pin, then shall count to three, no more, no less. three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of counting shall be three. four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. five is right out. once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy holy hand grenade of antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." this takes so long to read it takes 2 turns to read and 1 turn to pull out the pin and count to the right number 1...2...5 (3 sire)...3 in total taking 3 (thou shalt count to three). still it's the only way to survive the killer bunny attack.
snake X-ING - consists of many snakes bunched together crossing the track with a snake x-ing sign on the side. originally made you go back to the hospital, go half distance for 10 turns, lose 5 turns, and put you at an angle so that you probably will hit them again. after protests it was changed to making you stop. it was part of the BAD race.
candy store - makes you go half for 3 turns. circle complained about it and the vegatable garden.
Doughnut Shop - Pastry shops that cause the racers, after over eating, to perform slugishly for several turns.
Mine field - lose one turn when you hit a mine.
Jellyfish - makes you go to the start. immunity once hit.
turtle - makes you go back to the start. no immunity. was the only obstacle on the turtle race.
whomping willow - DON'T HIT IT! THE LIST OF THINGS IS SO LONG I'M NOT GOING TO PUT THEM ON HERE!
Flying attack porcupine - lands on your head, sends you to the hospital for two turns to have the quills removed.
Tennis playing blancmanges - they're quite good, you know!
Blue (or green) cube Jello Monster - envelops a racer in Jello and immobilizes for turn. The racer must eat his or her way out. Loses two turns if does not have a spoon handy. salt is also useful.
Killer Rabbit - The most famous race obstacle outside of Pencil Racing Circles. Very difficult to avoid on the track, and causes variously high levels of damage.
Void - A theoretical substance that is neither a helper nor obstacle but supposedly exists in every racetrack.
Example of an IPRC-certified sharpened pencil. This Pencil, made by Derwent Graphic, is widely used by both amateur and professional racers. It used to be not only the pencil race standard, but for a brief period was the only IPRC sanctioned pencil. This unilateral ruling was put in place after Triangle brought a carbon fiber pencil with a special high friction surface and an aerospace developed "lead" with a proprietary lubricant to the 1999 World Championships in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. Triangle easily won this race, lapping the second place racer before the finish. After complaints from both racers and sponsors, the IPRC board of directors voted 6 to 1 to put in place the infamous "All on Equal Pencils" rule, which stated that "all racers will use an B pencil made by the Derwent Graphic Company of England." After the ruling, the lone dissenter on the board, Sangalini Fantallinitininii, said, "This is bald corporate infiltration of the board!" Some have theorized that this process was manipulated by Derwent, the corporate sponsor of Triangle, and that they manufactured the special pencil for Triangle, thus creating the equipment controversy. Additionally, it was discovered that 5 of the 7 IPRC board members were on a secret Derwent payroll, and the 6th and final board member to vote yes retired soon after and became vice president of marketing at Derwent.
The "Derwent Rule" was short lived, and after two years, racers were again able to pick any pencil. This curiously coincided with the International Court ruling of illegal industrial practices by Derwent. The removal of the "Derwent Rule" has led to the high tech racing equipment of modern pencil racing.
Squares favorite pencil named "Noir" because of the dyed wood. it is made by the dixon ticonderoga. also used by circle who first showed square the pencil after square had problems finding a latex free pencil. unlike most race quality pencils noir is very cheap. noir has had lots critiscism for its problematic extra long length. square refuses to release information on noir.
The pencil that Circle used in the first IPRC sponsored race. Specially designed for Circle's "flicking" style of racing and her twirl turning technique. The pencil received widespread acclaim when it was purchased by lead magnate Farfale Newtwandia of Fruitwandia for the equivalent of US $590,938,231.99 in November of 2009. The pencil again received attention when it was stolen from Newtwandia's private collection, and the thief was foolish enough to sell the item on E-bay. It was, however, mistaken for an ordinary pencil, and the highest bid was thus only 31 cents. The pencil was retrieved, but the thief escaped.
Although it is generally believed that the pencil has been returned to Newtwandia's collection, there has been speculation that the thief replaced the pencil with another Paper Mate. Only Circle can distinguish a difference, and she has refused to comment on the subject.
The Gold Staff - Race Pen used by Circle.
ikea pencils - a pencil racing favorite!
Race SponsorsEditUntil the unification of the small racing factions into the IPRC, pencil racing was predominantly sponsored by local merchants and community members. It was common to see relatively famous racers wearing advertisements for local businesses on their shirts. Even X was once seen wearing a "Joe's Pizza - A Slice of Fruitopia's
Finest!" stenciled across his uniform.
A significant shift occurred with the formation of the IPRC. Pencil racing developed into an extremely popular sport. The famous IPRC President Joanna Swindali once stated that "the IPRC has a office in every town over 20,000 people in the world." A bold statement, but perhaps true. With this explosion of popularity, multinational corporations soon began sponsoring the sport, bringing with them the high racer salaries and ever bigger marketing investments and returns. Pencil racing, with it's humble coffee table beginnings, has evolved into the biggest cash producing sport in the World, surpassing Football in money spent by advertisers and sponsors in 2002.
iFruit - iFruit, know primarily for its invention of the the iOrange, is currently the largest sponsor. Zeg Co. - maker of fine medical equipment and zoological habitats. hearts sponsor.
star dollars - coffee maker. stars sponsor.
Flag Co. - located in findley ohio (flag city usa, flag capital of the world, Etc, Etc, Etc.). makes flags (surprise). an official sponsor of the NPRA and later the IPRC. supplies all racers except circle and square who make their flags by hand.
Nom de Plume - known for their large anonymous donations. Suspected to be X's sponsor, but the racer maintains he races independently.
United Postal Pens - rumored to be also vying for Circle, Square, Triangle, and X in the formation of a team.
K-pens - have expressed interest in being a sponsor, but have been turned down by all racers due to their business dealings.
Elmer's Glue - America's #1 Adhesive!
Triangulum - Not technically a sponsor, the Triangulum is supposedly a secret society of Triangle supporters.
vericolor - a great sponsor who adds color to races. for quality color choose vericolor (note vericolor sponsors this web site).
octan - a gas company that sponsors triangulum.
inCircle - Fan club and sponsor for Circle.
20th century vole - maker of the movie snapes on a plane.
ESL - A graphic design company founded by Rupert Chesterton and Hedgehog in 1987, responsible for X's icon, several of Circle's flags, the 20th Century Vole's logo, Obama's Presidential campaign, the iFruit logo, and the IPRC's new logo. It has also been rumored they designed the Triangulum symbol, but this has not been verified. Generally believed to stand for Extremely Silly Llamas.
elmers 500 - soon to be released by triangle.
ELMERS 500 HAS NOW BEEN RELEASED! The official race day is: at any minute.
new first annual circuit 5000 race soon to be released by square. course currently in progress.
square upset! a few hours after circuit 5000 was finished the racetrack vanished. feared stolen or recycled. triangulum is probably not involved.
square makes new track called d. it's prizes are a trophy shaped like a pencil, an iorange, a pencil, and a banana. plus all racers get a certificate of completion, a medal, and $100 except for the 1st place winner who gets $150. i can't post the picture now but i promise i will. Darthtyop 21:27, May 12, 2010 (UTC)
April 14, 2011. Spring training starts! Fans lined up hours in advance to watch Team iFruit take their first official flicks of the season. Square was looking fit and trim after racing in the winter leagues. Visibly plumper and noshing on a piece of blueberry pie, Triangle announced she has been working with a new pencil, but "She is still working on her mechanics." Circle refused to answer questions about her time off, but appeared to be interviewing the reporters. X arrived in a new Nissan Leaf.
E-racer officially announces, May 26 will be the start of the 2011 pencil racing season! Season ticket sales start May 12, 2011.
X draws an awesome picture of monkey king.
darthtyop makes pocket doll house.
Tybalts secret pencilrace course discovered. For the complete story, read here.
An investigation into the photo of President Obama wearing a Triangulum T-Shirt by digital photo experts has shown the picture to be digitally altered. It is unclear who created this picture and why, but it is suspected that the Triangulum could be involved. The picture has been removed.
"Ooh That Got to Hurt!" makes the New York Times Best Seller List.Triangle rejoins team iFruit. Not wanting to be left out after Square rejoined team iFruit, Triangle announced she is the newest member of the dream team. The two racers have apparently buried the hatchet and now view each other as teammates, dismissing the rumored rivalry between them as "media hype." It remains to be seen who will be the leader of this team, and there has been much speculation as to whether the reclusive racer X will join. Eyewitnesses have reported seeing Circle and X sharing a feuxefeuxeberry milkshake cocktail late Friday night at a prominent Fruitopia restaurant, and the IPRC has received yet another generous donation from an anonymous benefactor that is widely believed to be Nom de Plume.
The blueprint for Circuit 5000, Square's latest race course design, appeared briefly this evening in an E-bay auction. The purloined pencil race received eighty-one bids in the brief span of forty-three seconds, but did not reach the reserve price, and was instantly removed from the site. The last bid was reported to have been US $333,333,333.33. It is not believed Triangulum was involved.
Stephen Hawking, a suspected Triangulum member, was seen flashing a triangle symbol in a recent lecture, leading to speculation that Triangulum may have been involved in the loss of the Circuit 5000 race blueprint. Authorities are investigating possible Triangulum infiltration into the garbage collection agency of Squares secret design headquarters on Wuhu island. So far the scandal has not broken the harmony within the iFruit team, and both Square and Triangle have reportedly dismissed the Triangulum connection. team ifruit designs new logo.
Unsanctioned eraser activity. Two erasers were arrested out side a coffee place last Tuesday where witnesses heard them talking about erasing the race going on inside between to Wuhu island reporters.
somethingagong injured in staple accident. out for 5 weeks.
the giant squid of angers ban from racing was removed after he had a temper tantrum destroying most of the vlogbrothers youtube channel and shutting off the website for 20 minutes.
While training for the Elmer's 500, Alpha breaks arm while fighting off an acromantula obstacle in her garden. Surgery was successful, but the racer is out for eight weeks and will not be able to participate in the race.
The IPRC has released the long anticipated logo designed by ESL Designs. ESL, known for consulting on the visual design of many race obstacles and helpers, finally released the logo to the IPRC today. Within an hour of the release, supporters of Square, Triangle, and X have protested what they call a "blatant Circle promotion" within the logo, as the "i" of IPRC is very prominent. Additionally, they say the concentric ovals in the design also reference circle. Additionally controversy has arisen based on the close relationship of InCircle and ESL, and it has been speculated that InCircle had some influence on the design. ESL has denied any contact with InCircle concerning the new logo. A press release is expected from iFruit, as this is yet another controversy that could derail the "Dream Team."
d renamed delfino 150. delfino 150 currently being raced on by square, the giant squid of anger, hexagon, and shape.
Hexagon comes out of retirement to race in the Delfino 150!
Giant Squid of Anger angry once again. Racing in his first race since his ban was lifted by the IPRC, the squid tests positive for adhesives and is once again banned. He was banned until they realized he naturally covered in suction cups. he was told that he was still banned by his coach and won 1st place.
Continuing developments on the mysterious disappearance of the Circuit 5000 race. Story here.
Circuit 5000 found... behind the couch. square says he must have misplaced it. square plans on releasing some details on the race on thursday.
thursday. square has revealed in his opinion the 5 hardest obstacles. race track lines, snake x-ing, a very complex toll booth, the whomping willow, and trampolines. he also has said that the first place prize includes an indestructible chewbacca-solo 2012. let the wookie win. shirt.
It has been leaked that several people living with square are being invstigated by the FBI for being suspected Triangulum members. This seems to be fallout from the "loss" of the Circuit 5000 bluprint and a rumored annonymous tip from someone who only identified themselves as "SquareRules". However, it is well known in the pencil racing community that the other members of the household are also high level professional pencil racers, so it seems unlikely any are guilty unless an enormous incentive was involved.
It has been reported that another elite pencil racer has started contributing to the page. We won't reveal who it is, but we will say President Obama is ecstatic.
square and x misses the debut of the new iorange 2.0 to go to vidcon. one rracer even put on a chewbacca 2012 shirt. let the wookie win.
Scores of anxious consumers lined up twenty-four hours early and camped out to be one of the first 1000 to buy the new iorange 2.0. Present at the release was Circle, representing Team iFruit. The racer posed for cameras, took the first ceremonial bite of an iorange, and pronounced it, "Mmm, goot!"
The U.S. government has leaked a picture of a Triangulum pencil that many believe was taken by an F.B.I. agent that infiltrating the phantom group. It is widely known that the F.B.I. have gone to great effort to not only find information on but also arrest members of the Triangulum. Is this new photo definitive evidence of the existence of the Triangulum? Will the members be in danger of Federal agents raiding their hidden headquarters? Only time will tell, but since the government leaked this photo and the F.B.I. has released no new news, it is assumed that the leak of the photo is a political ploy to quiet the recent wave of anti-Triangulum unrest.
severus shape has resigned! no news why and no news on possible possible replacements.
remembering 2010, a book of the amazing development of pencil racing in 2010 has been released by cone.
E-racer has become chair of the IPRC! some question the new chairs habit of wearing staedtler jackets, while others worry about E-racers pro eraser leanings. the former chair of the IPRC Severus Shape questioned the motives of E-racer. in response E-racer said "they always escorted me away from the race, why else would i want to become leader of the IPRC".
the newly discovered photos on the existence of a triangulum pencil have been called a hoax by several members of the IPRC. although some racers believe that the IPRC has been infiltrated by triangulum and this proclamation is to cover up the existence of the triangulum, E-racer said "did you notice how the background and writing is a little blurry. we think the words said something different".
Circle settled on a flag! Details on the flag have not been specified by circle, but are rumored to have something to do with op art.Circles flag was shown to an anticipating crowd. No pictures were aloud, but one person sketched it."It is not a very good sketch" said circle "but it gives you an idea of what it looks like."
A crate of koulininiu pencils was found in Lacutialand. These illegal pencils are believed to have been taken from the famed wood collector, Hammilton Huws.
Triangulum strikes again! A triangulum symbol was found on all U.S. $1 bills printed on March 15th, between 1:30 p.m. and 10:47 p.m. How the Triangulum symbol got there is a mystery.
Dodecahedron sues IPRC for past 3-D shape intolerance. No news on IPRCs response.
Globe protests Circle's new flag. The pencil racer, Globe, most known for his numerous tattoos depicting the seven continents, has filed an official protest with the IPRC, claiming that Circle's new flag infringes on his rights to all things circular and 3-dimensional in the pencil racing arena. His complaint centers around his assertion that Circle's flag includes the optical illusion of a 3-d effect. He was quoted to say, "Not only do the 2-d racers condone banning us from races, but now they want to use our images in their advertising compaigns. You can't have your cake and eat it." This is just the latest controversy concerning Circle's flag, which was rumored to have cost InCircle $27,544 to develop. Circle's response to the rumors was, "Actually, I just sketched it out myself in my living room one day when I was bored." But few believe such a work of art could have been free.
ifruit has just released their new product, the iwater, believed to be a watermelon radio, perfect for if your stranded on a desert island. You can listen to the radio, and if you're hungry, you can eat it. The assumption that the new release will be a radio, is based on a photo of a watermelon, with an antenna, on a beach, taken one hour after iwater was announced.
Globe signs mnor league contract with team IFruit. The 3-D racer was quoted to say, "He has alwalys been an iFruiter," and he thinks "Circle's flag is great! Anything that promotes circular racers is something I can get behind." Apparently, there is no "i" in team iFruit....
The 2011 pencil race season has started!!!!!! See Race Results for more details.
Iwater has been discontinued. Steve Cobs announced that the iwater was "going nowhere", two days after it was released. Some people believe this was due to increases in watermelon prices, as well as being highly perishable after cut. Ifruit intends on replacing it with an iorange nano.
iWater announcement addendum: Although canceled, the 213,981.3 people who waited in line for days to be the first to purchase an iWater are outraged by the casual cancellation of the product. "What about support, and spare parts?", one owner complained. iFruit had no comment, except, "We value our customers, and customer satisfaction is high on our list of priorities". Some people were freezing their iWaters in hopes that they would be collectors items in the future, and some were clamoring for free iOrange nano exchanges.
The purchasing numbers of the iWater are being disputed, and there are rumors are saying iFruit is using the iWater as a tax diversion, and plan to claim millions of dollars in losses on their 2011 taxes. This will mean iFruit, the company with the highest profit margin in the world, will pay NO taxes this year! Meanwhile, Washington, the location of their company headquarters, is considering using newts to teach all grades kinergarden through third grades.
*************************************************** TRIANGLE SUSPENDED FROM RACING FOR 2 YEARS!! *************************************************************
The IPRC announce late Saturday, March 4th, 2012, that a sample taken from Triangle during the Circuit 5000 tested positive for wax. Triangle will serve a two year suspension from racing and will be stripped of her first place win in the 2010 Circuit 5000. Circle, who placed second in the 5000, was reported to say "I doubt the accuracy of these tests - I gain no pleasure in being rewarded first place by the IPRC, and still consider Triangle the winner." Triangle says she will appeal the decision, proclaiming she is innocent, and that the wax came from a jar of homemade jam that she ate on toast prior to the race. The IPRC response to the appeal is expected before the 2012 Circuit 5000.
A Fine Line!! Jeremy Line wins the Crayola 500. After being delayed a day due to rain, the Crayola 500 finished at 1 A.M. after 37 hours of racing that was fraught with multiple rain delays, burning of the track during attempts to dry it out, exploding pencils, and an errant eraser. The unexpected winner was rookie Jeremy Line from team Plus Fours. Line, who raced at a small liberal arts college and was not singed by any of the major teams, was only racing because the best five racers on Plus Fours were unable to race due to injury and poor performance. The Plus Fours manager, Johan Literate, made a dramatic move of racing Line, presumably to make a point with his underachieving team. Line went on to win the race, and now has become the talk of the sports world. As a walk on with Team Bic in 2010, Line never raced, and was released. After being singed and released by Team Ti conderoga, Line was days from being released again from Plus Fours when he had his stunning victory in the 500. Many attribute his lack of opportunities to his "one dimensional" origins, as in high school he was ranked second in the nation only to SquareX, who later tested positive to multiple performance enhancers.
Triangle wins her appeal of waxing charges brought against her by the IPRC. The case against her was tripped up by a technicality. Triangle’s legal team maintained that the racer’s graphite samples were improperly stored in a technician’s home refrigerator during the testing process, and it was not clear if jam or preserves vacuum sealed with wax, potential contaminants, were also stored in the refrigerator in question. Since the sample handling chain was broken, the positive wax test had to be thrown out.
Triangle said she was pleased by the outcome. “I always maintained my innocence, and now everyone knows I told the truth.” The racer will be reinstated both into active status and as the 1st place winner in the Circuit 5000. The racer said she is looking forward to training with her iFruit teammates for the Olympic Exhibition Race.
2012 OLYMPIC NEWS
Ex-racecourse obstacle turned racer, the Giant Squid of Anger, has now turned a tentacle to yet another profession. The Wuhu Time has announce TGSOA will be joining their journalistic team as a beat writer for team iFruit. *****This just in though – TGSOA has been fired after writing an incoherently ranting article on the 2012 Olympic race. Here is a screen shot of the article released briefly on the Wuhu Time web site:
A spokesperson from the Wuhu Times would only say that the split was amicable and mutually agreed upon.
Just in! The Giant Squid of Anger has announced that he will sue the Wuhu Times, alleging they are working with the mythical Triangulum and that team iFruit is somehow in league with the Triangulum.
PALOMINO BLACKWING 602 PENCIL OF THE YEAR!!
The IPRC has announced that the directors have voted to make the Palomino Blackwing 602 the official pencil of the 2013 race season. Every year a pencil is chosen to be the symbolic pencil of the year. It is widely understood that the pencil of the year is chosen based on the amount of advertising money spent by the pencil manufacturing company. This process was the genesis of the phrase “heavier than a Dixon,” referencing the 1918 IIIPRC pencil of the year awarded to Dixon pencil company after Dixon committed to $2,000,000 of advertisements to the pencil race season. The idea was that the pencil was very heavy because of how much gold it cost to “buy” the pencil of the year honors.
However, this year the IPRC has gone further to state that all racers will be required to use the Blackwing in all official races, an unprecedented requirement. Many racers have objected to the new ruling, particularly Square, who uses the Dixon-Ticonderoga “Noir,” and Circle, who uses the Gold Staff.
Particularly suspect is E-Racer, who not only served on the board of directors at Palomino, but still has over $100 million worth of shares in the company. Many believe that this is the primary reason E-Racer pursued the IPRC chairmanship, and that he will step down after this pencil race season to return to work at Palomino. E-Racer stated in a press release that “all the standard, approved protocols and channels were followed, and an ISO 9000 paper trail was generated for the pencil of the year selection.”
delfino 150 finished. in first place the giant squid of anger followed then by square, hexagon, and in last place shape. on the giant squid of angers first turn his coach told him he was rebanned from pencil racing making him so angry that in one turn he zoomed around the track and in the process destroying most of it causing the race to come to a sudden end. they decided that square who went about 1 1/2 inches should be in second winning an iorange, $100, a certificate of completion, plus a medal. hexagon who went an inch before crashing into a tree in third winning $100, a commemorative pencil, a certificate of completion, and a medal. shape who went a centimeter and was in fourth place won a ceramic banana, a certificate of completion, $100, and a medal. it turns out that the giant squid of angers coach was lying and thought of the ban as a way for the season to start with a first place win. the giant squid of anger won $150, a trophy, a medal, and a certificate of completion.
The Giant Squid of Anger angered in the 2010 Tour de Pens when his fellow racer Triangle did not follow pencil racing etiquette and sped ahead during a mishap with his mechanical pencil. The Giant Squid of Anger had been attacking, trying to put distance between himself and the other top three racers, Triangle, X, and Hexagon while traversing the black ice obstacle, an area when the Squid excels due to his superior suction abilities, when his pencil lead broke, mid-attack, and he was stranded at the side of the track for 29 seconds clicking his pencil until a new lead came into place. Meanwhile, Triangle, X, and Hexagon flicked ahead, despite the fact that the Squid was wearing the yellow eraser--a move that many fans consider to be a no-no in pencil racing sportsmanship. (The most famous case of this was in the 1997 Tour de Pens when Ivan Pentel waited for Heinrich Staedtler for four days outside the hospital when he was attacked by a flying porcupine.) In post-race interviews, the Squid declared, "he had an ink sac full of anger" and "he would get his revenge!" It is widely believed the Giant Squid will try to attack again on the pen-ultimate Stage 19 of the Tour, a stage that features underwater tanks and scuba-equipment-stealing gremlins. Triangle claims she did not know of the Squid's mechanical problems until after she had attacked and slid a significant distance on the black ice. The stage finished with Triangle crashing out on the ice, X leading for the last 15 km of the stage, only to be overtaken in a sprint by Hexagon, resulting in X once again finishing in second place.
the elmers 500 race result are in. in first place circle. second place square. third place x. last place triangle. to be added to.
The Circuit 5000 has STARTED!! See here for the Circuit 5000 results.
5/24/2011 - The first race of 2011, the Swallow 2000 held in Beijing, China, consisted of a relatively treacherous course that included mad attacking swallows. The international field showed it’s improvement, with young racers from China (“Glass”), Turkey (“Acer”), and Iran (“Duster”) taking the first 3 places. This is the first race in years where the iFruit team did not finish on the podium. X and Square crashed out. Triangle continued her trend of starting out the season slowly, and finishe 12th. Circle was the only iFruiter on her game, and placed 4th –a dubious call that held Circle back two turns at the Swallows Nest cost her the win.
An interesting side note – the RaptorTown Band headlined the 2011 pencil race opening ceremony. Battling legal issues for years, the RaptorTown Band is back together. It is believed that at least 10% of the reported 8 million fans that flocked to Beijing went to see RaptorTown play their first concert in 4 years. Here is a video of the bands opening song:
3/9/2013 First ever Lingonberry Race featuring iFruit.
in 1536 the formation of the ban on imported fantopia graphite marking the decline of pencil racing in talg, fruitopia, lalaland, and in denmark. the places on the edge of the feyalesteys river, the nazca, nerdfighteria, and cambodia never depended on graphite from other countries and were able to develop many obstacles. in 1634 it was discovered that a substitute for graphite could be made by mixing crushed rose petal to slate although this never gained much popularity. a year later in talg and fruitopia large graphite deposits were found. the ban on fantopian lead being removed in 1712 ended the decline of pencil racing and establishing a golden age of pencil racing.
on this day....Edit
- January 23d, happy bounty day in the pitcairn islands! every one burn little ship carvings as tradition! I bring this up because koulouniniu wood was recently discovered there! yay!
- November 27th, 1978. Hexagon won the Fantop Point Series Championship by handily winning the final race of the season, the Fantop 501.
- in 1893 the first use of a pen in in racing.
- in 1267 the isolated fantopia islands ice melted revealing jungle and filling in the endless desert.
- in 1946 the first tour de france took place. because the new anti cheating rules were not in place all current fouls were used.
- in 1867 the no longer isolated fantopia island froze over for 87.3456781 years, isolating it once again. in 1954 the ice melted again.
to get more articles than the tin tin wiki (73 articles)
to get more articles than the dilbert wiki (93 articles)
"the joy of
pickling pencil racing" by star
"Perls of Racing Wisdom: Observations While Knitting," by Heart.
"IPRC, NPRA, IIIPPRC, FANTOP, QUBORG, DAKG, PENTEL, TROP, FIXED, or WUHU" a study of pencil racing societies by Cone
"anger the complete usage in pencil racing" by the the Giant Squid of Anger
IPRC - the current association. international pencil racing council.
NPRA - old pencil race club. national pencil racing association.
IIIPPRC - old pencil race club. illustrious international independent pencil and pen racing club.
FANTOP - system used on fantopia island. short for fantopia.
FIXED - loves cheating and allows tape, adhesive abuse, and throwing races. triangle loves the system but no longer uses it. fixed as in fixing a race.
WUHU - used on parts of wuhu island. name of wuhu island.
QUBORG - club that thought of the IPRC instead of small clubs. disbanded in 2003. unknown why it's called QUBORG because the only person who knew why died in 1994 before he could say why.
DAKG - an organization that refused to say any of there ideals but has only 6 members. unknown why it's called that.
PENTEL - organization of racers who want to generalize the brands of pencils two pentel pencils. pentel company.
TROP - system proposed by cone to make all races standardized ovals with no obstacles. absolutely no support. random letters.
UFRCOAH - Union for race course obstacles and helpers. Formed in 2010.
if you want to make a race you might want to use one of these ideas.
rubber duck race
mini golf race
horcruxe searching race
air plane race
Pencil twirling:: WARNING! DO NOT ATTEMPT WITHOUT WEARING PROPER POCKET PROTECTOR AND SAFETY GOGGLE EQUIPMENT!
this is the original pencil race that was played in the race o truly awesome made by ivan the truly awesome (american translators mispronounced it and said ivan the terrible but if you want to know more look it up).
cool designs these are awesome.
kneaded erasers there awesome.